ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
