So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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