I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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