So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
