When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
