Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize