You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got inside last night via doggy door
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
