guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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