Michael Bay diarrhea
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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