You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
