Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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