How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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