my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
