You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
