That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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