my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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