Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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