honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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