So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
