she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
