we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
