Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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