he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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