take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
