k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
