I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
