Banned from zoo.
Again?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
