We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you had me at cake vodka
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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