I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
