if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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