Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
