And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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