we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
