I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
