so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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