Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
