i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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