I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
