you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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