Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
