Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
