Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
