Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
