420 ftw
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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