i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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