JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
