Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
