Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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