babies were throwing up all over the place
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
