You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
