thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
