My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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