can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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