the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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