You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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