I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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